Quote of the Day

I don't really do a quote of the day, this is more the Quote of the Year:

Last year at family camp (our annual tradition) someone mentioned to me, in one of those conversations that unfold sitting around the porch, that it is impossible to be kind when you are in a hurry.

I've thought about this many times over the past year - it is SO true. And I am always in a hurry - rushing off to pick up a kid, getting to the pool before it closes, trying to get out of the grocery store in time for a conference call, driving madly to yoga class (which should be a contradiction in terms right there.) And yes, it is impossible to be kind when you are late.

So today as I was checking out of the grocery store, a shopping trip for my son's pool party (which he told me about only this morning) that I managed to wedge in between making it to the morning lap swim (which only goes from 9-10:45 am) and getting on to my 11 am conference call for work, after getting off a plane last night and having my first full night's sleep in a week...and the cashier started inspecting the granola I was buying to ask if it had any nuts, since it looked good and she is allergic. I was already annoyed because she had prolonged the transaction before me by having a conversation with the woman ahead of me about her twins, and I was about to put on my annoyed city slicker face when I remembered the Quote of the Year. Would it really make a difference to engage in a 30 second conversation with this woman about my granola? Of course, not. So I remembered to be kind.

One of the outcomes of our lifestyle is that we are always in a hurry. And always running late. At least I am.  It is so wearing and it has a cost not just on our own nervous systems and hormonal responses, but on others around us.

I am going to try and opt more for kindness and less for timeliness.

Tommy's

 Veggie Burger-Not Your Grandmother's Burger

I love Tommy's. I have been going there since I was 14 years old, the first time my friend Jackie and I got on bikes and were old enough to go all the way to Coventry.

A few weeks ago I described a day spent with my daughter walking around Coventry on this blog. Tommy's was mentioned only in its absence from the itinerary. Today I went for lunch with my son, Aryeh.

The menu has been the same for all these years, with a few additions. I can walk in at any stage of my life and order a Lynne with bananas, a Dale, a Quincy, an MR 4, or a Jackson with Loui on the side and know what I am getting. Sandwiches are named after their orginators: "When the same people would make up sandwiches and order the same things every time, it was easier to just write thier names or initials down. That is how our menu was created. Each item is named after its creator. These lovely people represent the history of Coventry and now make their homes all over the world." (from Tommy's website.)

 Lynne with Bananas

I tell my kids the Becky is named after me. Becky: A wheat spinach pie stuffed with tofu salad and cheese. $8.95

 Black Raspberry Chip Yogurt Shake

Let's not even get started on the yogurt shakes. One Tommy's tradition (maybe it is just me) is to order the shake first and eat it with the meal. Nowhere else do you get dessert first.

Even the Fries are Great

In all the different places I have lived and in all my travels I have never seen a menu like this. Tofu and tempeh salad sandwiches, spinach pies in every shape, size and color. They know where to apply the baba ghanouj, the sesame seeds and the bananas. In short, it is hippy food at its finest. And has proved ageless-been around since I was 10 years old.

When I had an apartment in the Coventry area my roomie Lauren and I came here regularly. In the years I lived outside of Cleveland coming to Tommy's was a fixed item on my itinerary. It was a part of the feeling of home and it was always grounding to be able to eat the same sandwich in the same place. Now my oldest son lives in the Coventry area and it is his hang-out, wait-staffed by his friends. To be a Clevelander, at least an east sider, one SHOULD know the difference between an MR 3 and an MR 4.

Hitting 50 and Beyond: Women Reinventing Themselves

Several women in my life have completely re-invented themselves in their 50's. I find this decade a fascinating and generative period of life, though of course when I was younger I would have thought that 50's was the end of the line, or at least the beginning of the end. It actually feels like the beginning of many things. As soon as I passed the birthday, I was infused with excitement about this coming decade.

During my doctoral studies I learned that though we have done a lot of work mapping the developmental stages of babies, children and adolescents, once we reach adulthood most people see it as one undifferentiated stage. The reality is that adulthood, too, has various stages, and I was palpably aware of the beginning of a new stage.

In Passages: Predictable Crises of Adult Life by Gail Sheehy, a book I picked up a couple of years ago when I was preparing for my 50th birthday, Sheehy breaks it down decade by decade. She carefully maps the stages of adulthood using anecdotal interviews and building on the work of various theoriest and psychologists. The book looks like and markets as a pop psychology book, but is rigorous, grounded and well written. She writes about women post-child raising who suddenly have new zest for life, who are able to tap "secondary interests...that can blossom into a serious life interest." Earlier in the book she uses another horticultural metaphor to speak of a woman who successfully "repots" herself in new soil.

So let me tell you about some of the women I know and what they have done:

A friend and neighbor went back to art school, got a masters in print making, and now does her own art, has built a career as an exhibit curator, and adjucates art shows. She did a massive renovation of her home to create a new master suite and beautiful patio which she designed.

Another friend and neighbor and book club member completed a 500 level yoga teacher training at Kent State University (equivalent to a PhD) and just recently passed her first Iyengar teacher assessment—an extremely rigorous and demanding training protocol. She also renovated her backyard shed into a beautiful yoga studio.

My childhood best friend moved from a life in the journalism and publishing industries to become an independent filmmaker, and creating a successful documentary about Jews in San Francisco, American Jerusalem, that is currently featured on PBS and many major film festivals.

Another friend, rabbinic colleague and book clubber, entered an intense chaplaincy training program at the Cleveland Clinic and now is the Director of Spiritual Care at Hillcrest Hospital.

Another friend and book clubber re-licensed herself as an RN and is now working doing hospice care at a local senior citizen home.

I notice as I wrote it up that many of them went back to school to retrain and retool. All of these women find their current new professions wholly engaging and inspiring. And I also recognize that I am fortunate to be surrounded by such erudite company!

This week I engaged in a coaching process with another friend and master coach, Leni Wildflower, the woman who taught my coaching certification program while I was a doctoral student at Fielding Graduate University, to plot my next trajectory. We had our first session and began the process and I am excited about where it will take me.
 
I remarked to her that I have or have had six different careers, none of which feel finished and all of which still call to me in some way.
1. Writer (science fiction writer)
2. Cantor (clergy, pulpit and substitute pulpit work)
3. Singer/Performer (Jewish music, chamber music, opera and classical recitals)
4. Mother and Spouse (on-going, obviously)
5. Organizational Development Professional (my current position with the Cantors Assembly)
6. Angel Investor in real estate and technology start-ups
7. TV watcher, book reader, leisure traveler and general lazy bum. I wish :)

Our work is to figure out which one(s) calls the loudest so that I can concentrate my goals and energies around it for this next stretch of living.

My first task was to write up scenarios for each one of these as if it is what I am doing and see how it looks and feels. I wrote them up on the plane to San Francisco, on the way to joining Irad and Yuval who have been working there much of this month. I will continue to report on how this work moves me forward.

But I also would like to hear from other people who have experienced this kind of personal re-invention in their 50s.

More San Francisco

 Leaving San Francisco by ferry

We took the ferry to Sausalito for the 4th of July. We ran to catch the very last ferry of the day at 6:45 pm. Things always feel better when you work for them!

It was a beautiful evening and we could see the entire skyline as we moved across the water, along with the fog rolling over the city. But it was perfectly clear on the water.

Angel Island State Park seen from Ferry

Sails at Play

The Ferry Look

Arriving in Sausalito

I had never been to Sausalito before and it was picturesque and charming.  In an interesting blurb on  this colorful area I read about a local history that encompasses, "dons, extravagant fiestas... Portuguese boat builders, Italian fishermen, Chinese shopkeepers, rail yard workers, ferry crewmen, and dairy ranchers,...Out-of-town rumrunners, local police, basement speakeasies, backyard stills...painters, sculptors, dancers, writers, musicians, mask makers, bohemians, hippies and houseboaters." You know. Colorful.

We had a lovely dinner at Sushi Ran,
one of SF's great sushi restaurants. They were amazingly creative with their vegetable appetizers and did a stunning vegan sushi selection for Irad. Again too dark for good pics.

We used Uber to get back. We pretty much Uber-ed to get everywhere and it was an amazing convenience. As they promised, "With just the push of a button, Uber will connect you with the closest available driver in town, ready to pick you up in minutes. You’ll see a photo of your driver, the car they are driving, and even watch them on the app as they drive toward you." It was like having our own (interchangeable) private driver wherever we went, and several of the drivers were really warm and friendly. Some of them added personal touches like stocking their backseats with mints or packages of gum. Since we are hip deep in a tech company, we constantly interviewed the drivers about their experience with Uber, marveled at the business model and success of the company. Beyond global village, it is the new networked village.

On Saturday morning I returned to the Ferry Building to meet Jackie for walking brunch. The Farmers' Market was amazing!

  

We could go to a restaurant, a stand or just cruise through samples!

Lots of samples

Fresh produce, baked goods, prepared foods and flowers galore. I have never seen so many beautiful and unusual flowers available in one place, and so reasonably. I got myself a small bouquet of sweet pea flowers for our hotel room, and some large bunches of dahlia and some flowers I had never heard of that I can't remember now for Jackie to bring home.

Jackie's Bouquet Finds a Home

Fortunately I don't live in SF or I'd be back obsessively every Saturday for more of these giant oreos (Can't remember name of bakery farm-stand. Jackie?)

In the afternoon Yuval and I went on a little shopping museum spree. The standout shopping store was Flight 001,

a store dedicated to travel technology, luggage and gadgets. I turned Yuval on to compression packing, which subject I will save for another blog. I consider myself mildly expert in packing.

 de Young Museum designed by Herzog & de Meuron

We went to the de Young museum in Golden Gate park for a remarkable museum experience. Yuval, who was an architect in a past life and a fan of Herzog & de Meuron, gave me an impassioned tour of the building, its special construction, views and approaches.

 detail of facade, constructed in Kansas City, perforated so that no two panels are alike, in homage to the digital age of pixels

He is very good at communicating his knowledge and love of things he cares about and makes an amazing travel companion. Everyone should have the experience of being introduced to this museum by Yuval. 

We spent some time up in the Hamon Tower appreciating the incredible city views, park views, ocean views, and Marin county views, in this city of views.

I loved the African and Art of the Americas galleries, where everything was set in the dark, in a bath of warm wood floors, walls, and ceiling, with spotlighting that made it all sparkle. It really felt like entering a mysterious and magical world of exotic art. I find that when I visit a museum I get more out of slowly taking in one or two areas than trying to see everything and just brain-blurring.

We sat in the  in the cafe, soaking up the atmosphere. It was closing but they gave us a cup of tea on the house so that we could enjoy the last few minutes. I find that sitting in a cafe after taking in a lot of amazing art is a great way to percolate the dream machine. Leads to great conversation. Walked out to Uber back to the hotel.

Sunday before our flight we were back at Blue Bottle for breakfast. I would be there every morning if I lived in SF!

 Eggs baked in toast

 The great windows and light

 Fabulous Coffee Making Apparatus

 A Bit of Mad Coffee Science

And that's the wrap. See you again soon, San Francisco.

San Francisco Food and Views

I joined Irad and Yuval in San Francisco for the holiday weekend while they are here for business. San Francisco alternates between thrilling and horrifying: there are so many beautiful parks, neighborhoods, architecture and magnificent views of bays, bridges and mountains—but every time I walk somewhere I am stumbling over homeless people, junkies and crazies. It is as if someone opened the doors to a giant asylum somewhere and all the inmates took to the streets. I counted 5 per block this morning as I walked for half an hour from my hotel to the Hayes Valley stores. It is hard to stay upbeat in the face of such abject misery and acute human pain.

However, the food here is amazing, and since Irad and Yuval have been working too much for any real expeditions I have mostly been sticking to the hotel where I am enjoying the views from our windows. On the 28th floor with a corner room and ceiling to floor windows it is something like being in a glass boat in the heavens:

The expeditions we have taken so far have been confined to meal times and have hit on several foodie spectaculars.

The first amazing experience was walking to the Ferry Building and eating at the Slanted Door, one of San Franciscos favorite Vietnamese restaurant. But the part of the meal that will stick in my mind (and my waistline) was ice cream at Humphrey Slocombe.

  I chose (clockwise from the top) Blue Bottle Vietnamese Coffee, Malted Milk Chocolate and Black Sesame. I couldn't finish this enormous bowl, but I certainly did my best.
It was accompanied by more stunning views:

 Dinner was at a restaurant I have been hearing about for years: Millenium, a vegan superstar, creating vegan food before the east coast even knew what the word "vegan" means. Its goal is to create complex, layered, rich food that makes meat obsolete. Yuval brought me the cookbook several years ago as a gift after his first time there, and though I often look at the pictures I have never had the courage to take on any of the amazingly detailed and complicated recipes. I was looking forward to someone else cooking them!

Our experience there was somewhat curtailed by the singularly bad luck that the light right over OUR table was burnt out, so that the food was mostly in deep shadow. For that reason my photographs did not really come out after the appetizers, because as the day got darker, so did our table. But since the appetizers were my favorites anyway, I will post them.

Crusted king Trumpet Mushrooms

Arborio rice & sesame dredge, cabbage & carrot salad with lime vinaigrette, toasted red lentil chaat, methi-sweet soy Manchurian dipping sauce

Braised Romano Beans charred cherry tomatoes, basil, lemon zest, bread crumbs, chile

Pistachio Stuffed Dates
orange, cinnamon, Aleppo chile

Stuffed Squash Blossoms
lemon-sage tofu cheese, zucchini & nopales escabeche, corn masa sope,
smoky black bean puree, strawberry-habanero salsa, avocado

 At this point my pictures are not very attractive but we had:

Braza De Reina Tamale chard & corn masa, toasted pumpkin seed, chile poblano & Christmas lima bean filling, sweet corn, roasted pepper & cherry tomato stew, lambsquarter greens, tomato-habanero sauce, avocado, radish & jicama salad, cumin toasted pumpkin seeds
Cornmeal & Thyme Crusted Zucchini mousakka spiced mushroom & pistachio duxelle, whipped roasted garlic butterbeans, shaved fennel, orange & red frill mustard salad, green olive salsa verde, pistachio-cinnnamon toasted bread crumbs
and for dessert:				Peach Cheesecake cashew filling, thyme-macademia nut crust, lavender-red wine-pluot compote, peach syrup, macadamia lace cookie, fresh blackberries Chocolate Almond Midnight almond cashew crust, chocolate filling, espresso ganache, white chocolate mousse, raspberry sauce, almond bark

My favorite was the Crusted King Trumpet Mushrooms - really delicious! As usual, I enjoyed the appetizers more than the mains. I think my approach to dining should just be to always eat a collection of appetizers, tapas style. I enjoyed this kind of eating as a one-time interesting and tasty food adventure, but I wouldn't go here every week if I lived here, or even every year. It is over-constructed and heavy-handed for my taste. I like simple dishes that feature the natural flavors of food. This was a lot of bells and whistles and the palate and brain simply tire and it all blurs into one enormous amount of food.

Speaking of simple food, this morning's breakfast was an absolutely fabulous five star experience. Blue Bottle Coffee! Wow! If I lived here I WOULD eat there every morning. Simple space, big windows, bright light, excellent coffee and amazing food. Line out the door.

 Starting with the basics, coffee and a "strawberry buckle"

  According to my barristo, Blue Bottle's creator and coffee roaster, James Freeman, married a premier SF pastry chef, Caitlin Freeman, and she now provides all the pastries. Now THAT is a marriage made in heaven.

Strawberry Buckle (seasonal) was so good I bought two more before I left, boxed them and sent them to my foodie sister.

 Poached eggs on thick bread were to die for. Simple IS best

I supplemented with a little raspberry compote jam, ladled out of a pot. I am going to try and make this at home.

 

Nothing like a good cup of coffee in the morning!

And great companions to enjoy it with. Good Morning San Francisco!

50th Birthdays and Our Appalachian Trail: 4th of July Tribute to one tiny part of American landscape

A little reflection on an American hike for the 4th of July!

I am a couple years past my 50th, but one of my sisters is coming up on it, which lead me to some reflections on turning 50. Like most of the big birthdays, 50 is a milestone that freaks us all out. At age 48 I dreaded it, and at age 49 decided it was coming regardless so I might as well welcome it with open arms: If you can't beat 'em, join em. Keep your enemies close. When the going gets tough the tough get...oh never mind. I decided to come up with a year of small celebrations, to put "someday" plans into action.

My husband was also turning 50 so some of these plans involved him. One night as we were discussing the pending birthdays I recalled my adventurous Aunt Karen telling me when I was a teen-ager that her goal for her 50th birthday was to walk the Appalachian Trail. I sat up and said, "Let's walk the Appalachian Trail!" I knew Irad would love the idea.

With three kids and one and half full time jobs we weren't about to spend seven months walking the AT, but we could spend a week. We always spend a week in Vermont during late August at Family Camp (one of our most cherished traditions) so we decided to hike in to Family Camp that year. Amnon would drive his younger siblings there to meet us.

So we packed the car for the kids and flew ourselves out to the trail. For me it was a week long experience of being completely cut off form civilization, worrying only about putting one foot in front of the other, finding water, which soup we were eating on any given night, and where to set up camp.

All of this was a delightful departure from our normal lives and we both enjoyed it. The main take-away for me was how different time feels when you completely change the way you spend a day, and how easy it is to just keep walking:

 And to try and notice the world on the way:










But for Irad it was not just the week of hiking—it was the weeks of planning and reading and buying high tech equipment that I think he enjoyed every bit as much.

Even before we finished the hike Irad had us make lists of everything we needed to change in our equipment, what worked and what lacked, in preparation for the next year's hike. I felt satisfied with the small taste of it we had experienced for one week, but Irad's interest had just begun. So the next year we read a slew of books by and about the AT Trail by AT hikers, most of them pathetic literary blunders (apparently another effect of hiking the trail is the need to write your book about it!)
But the one stand-outs was A Walk in the Woods: Rediscovering America on the Appalachian Trail Bryson doesn't actually hike the entire trail, but he collects a fascinating amount of information about the trail setting it historically and sociologically, dips in enough to get the flavor of the hiking experience, and brings along his friend Katz for hilarious comic relief. There was some value to reading a bunch of the others, including people with dogs, who were seven feet tall, who had heart attacks along the way, and who hiked the trail barefoot with a sister, (we divided them up between us) as the cumulative information really gives a lot of information about the entire trail, and the similarities of experiences that emerge give an idea of what to expect.

And before the hike we had both read Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail (Vintage)
which was a fabulous preparation for the hike as well as a well written personal quest story. We often referred to it as if Cheryl were a friend we had dinner with before leaving. "Remember when Cheryl lost her...," or, "This reminds me of the time Cheryl...", or even, "Cheryl was right that..."
Irad recruited our son Aryeh to do the hike with him the following summer. They chose a more southern piece of the trail in Virginia that is supposed to be quite beautiful and challenging. Aryeh, who is a high school athlete, absoutely kicked Irad's butt on the physical parts of the hike, especially the mountain climbing (did I mention it can be very physically demanding?) but he found the endless days of hiking monotonous.








So now Irad is a yearly AT hiker. Eventually he plans on completing the entire trail, piece by piece. I expect him to live a long long life so fortunately there is also the Pacific Crest Trail on the West Coast and the Contintental Divide in the Rockies to add to his list!

And one last thing I did for myself was beginning 6 weeks before my birthday I decided to write a poem a day. I didn't actually write a poem a day, but the days I did write poems it was a great feeling and I really liked the short collection I wound up with. If I had successfully done the full 42 days I had intended to self-publish a little book of poems on some interesting handmade papers (Amnon knows how to bind books). Perhaps that is a project I can still complete someday. Not to become a poet, just to continue to scratch that little itch I have to create. Here is a sample.

Rumi

Reading Rumi

Craving Chocolate

One nourishes the soul

The other the body

But which does which?

And bottom line, reaching 50 is a lot to celebrate and we are lucky to still be here on this Earth with all the people we love.